Everyone is on some type of journey, whether defined or undefined. Maybe you are working on your education. Maybe you are focused on your personal relationships (marriage, extended family, or your relationship with yourself). Oh...and the relationship with yourself is quite possibly the most important relationship you will ever have, so nurture it. Maybe you are on a health or fitness journey. Maybe, just maybe, you are just merely trying to survive. That is still a trying task. Regardless of the path, we are all working on something, and we need the support of those closest to us to reach our goals. In my experience, fear of judgment and comparison can be paralyzing.
Though our paths may be different, they are equally significant, and as individuals, we reach these milestones at different places and in different intervals. So if you're guilty of the comparison game, STOP! I'm not speaking of jealousy as that's an entirely different conversation. I'm referencing that little voice inside of your head that quietly whispers, "You're not good enough."
Your ONLY competition is that little voice inside You. Make him or her happy and be the very best version of YOU!
It's true, I judge people. I admit it. Or I did judge people. I've improved in this area. And I judged, not out loud, and not in a derogatory fashion, but I am still guilty. I judged because of my own insecurities. I've been competing with someone or something that doesn't exist. In all reality, in order to compete, the other person or people must know a competition exists. So I watched. I wondered. And I judged the person or the situation.
I did it in my head. I would speak to my spouse in casual conversation, and in the next breath, I would justify the feeling and words as if the opinion was helpful to anyone. Whether the judgment had any validity or not is irrelevant. It's wrong, and as I mentioned before, it's a symptom of my own insecurities. It's a symptom of guilty by comparison. I've learned this about myself, and I believe, this is why many of my journeys to better health, my relationships with others, and my goals, both long-term and immediate, have failed so frequently. I am not competing, so I do not need to judge. I am just as deserving of health, love, and happiness as any one else, and so are you!
Theodore Roosevelt once said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." I could have just wrote that and said "The End." IT STEALS JOY!
As soon as I accepted this, my life turned around. My marriage grew in strength. My new friendships flourished. My happiness became evident to others...almost contagious. And my health...well that trailed off for a bit, but even in this journey, I realized my health, rather than my weight, had to have priority.
Bottom line: I'm worth it! You're worth it! Whatever "it" is. And that "worth" does not deserve to be overshadowed by judgement, comparison, or self doubt.
Iyanla Vanzant described the act of comparison by explaining, "Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”
Why torture yourself? Don't criticize the choices of others. Don't destroy yourself by trying to be like anyone except for you!
Stop comparing your experiences or commitment to another person. Live life through yourself and bring joy and support to others. Your light will shine for someone else whose light may be dim.
Remember, we only get to experience this thing called life for a short period of time. Live it!
XOXO,
Heather 🌻🌼